Living with Stage IV cancer

After a full day of recovery at home, today I'm back to almost full speed. I spent the day spoiling Parker, we went to the library, mall play area, and then enjoyed some chinese food together. So far, the chemo drugs have been nothing, Yeah, its alot of pills to take and specific instructions for taking them, but really no side effects- I am so relieved. Now I just hope their doing their job.

I still have some pain in my back, but I think that's muscular now, from chasing Parker around. God I hope so. Either way, this pain is in a different place than the original bone metastases and it is on both sides. In a few weeks I'll get to go into the oncologist and the blood work should give us some clues as to how the therapy is working.

One thing I'm still struggling with is the idea that I can't have any more children. I'd always wanted to have a little girl. I saved alot of cherished dolls and other girly things from my childhood, and always assumed that I'd pass those on to my little one. There is the possibility of having a surrogate carry our baby, although I'm not sure that is responsible considering I have a terminal illness. If we can get these mets to shrink and disappear, we might think about that further, but for now-its a no go. Plus having a surrogate would be very expensive and challenging.

I've read blogs from other women who also were diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer, and they never had any children, so I should be thankful. On that note, I want to really spend alot of time with Parker, teach him as much as I can, support and love him (while I can). No one can steal today from me. And who knows, if we can't have more children, maybe we can travel more and build that dream house sooner.