Saturday, December 20, 2014


Yesterday I learned that Scott Steele won his battle with cancer. Scott had battled stage 4 colon cancer for five years. Scott shared parts of his journey while being a DJ for KHAK (98.1) and we listened to him almost every weekday morning. I found out within the last week of Kristin's life that Steele had left the KHAK morning show to pursue other endeavors. I shared the news with Kristin. She was concerned about how he was doing. I assumed his health was still stable since I had not heard otherwise. Steele had a Caring Bridge site online where he shared more of his journey. I did not follow this, but I think Kristin read some of it.

A few years ago KHAK had a snow blower giveaway. They were planning to choose the winner based on letters people wrote about why they should receive the snow blower. Kristin's letter was chosen by Brain & Steele. The snow blower has definitely been a blessing to us. After that Kristin and Steele became Facebook friends. I am not sure how much they interacted, but I believe she took comfort in knowing that he was winning his battle and staying strong as well. I know I took comfort from his strength.

I pray that Steele and Kristin are both celebrating their victories in heaven. I pray for Steele's wife and newborn son. My understanding is that they were not supposed to be able to have kids and their son was an unplanned miracle from God. I pray that their son can understand the strength his father had.

Parker and I are good. We are grieving and mourning. It feels like it has been three months since I have talked to Kristin and not just three weeks. The thing I miss most is laying in bed and talking until one of us would get too tired to talk anymore. It was always so easy for us to talk. I have never had such ease of conversation with anyone else.

We are continuing to live. We are so blessed with such great friends, and families and our church. The evenings this week were a little tough, but God must have let some people know. Parker was invited over to a friends house for a play date. Some other friends invited us over to frost cookies with them. We had some company today, and Parker went to a birthday party. Tomorrow some friends are having us over. So that has been helpful. I'm not saying we need that much to do all the time, but it is nice sometimes.

Thanks for everyone's support and prayers. Until my next post. God bless!

Patrick 12/20/14

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Kristin mentioned in her last blog post that she should have labeled her blog differently. I think a good label would be, “I’m not going to die, but live on-blog”. It is quite evident to me that Kristin is going to live on. The outpouring of flowers, plants, cards and gifts to Parker’s college fund have been amazing. It is even more apparent to me now how she was able to touch people’s lives and change them. That change that she made to people is part of the way I see her “living on”.

I am planning to continue Kristin’s blog by adding parts of my journey with her and into the future. When I shared this idea with a friend she suggested I could add some of the things I was thinking about or going through when Kristin posted some of her blog entries. I know Kristin’s blog has made a difference in people’s lives. I’m sure she realizes how much now. Hopefully some people can find some use in what I post as well.

There are many things that I plan to save and share or pass on to Parker in the future. If you would like to have him know one day how Kristin impacted your life please send me a message on Facebook or ask for my email. I will save these for him. There will come a day that they will mean a lot to him.

Parker reminded me the other day when I was feeling down that I don’t need to be sad because Mommy is everywhere. He told me later that night that he is happy because Mommy is in heaven. I am so thankful that we have been able to help him have such a strong faith. Parker’s words made me think about something that I have tried to remember throughout our journey with cancer. No matter how heavy the cross is that we may be carrying it does not mean that the weight we perceive is more than the weight someone else feels from their cross. It is funny that part of what has made me think of this is an episode of MASH.

Many people have told me that if there is anything they can do to please let them know. I will probably not be as good at this as Kristin was, but I will try. A friend told us when Kristin was first diagnosed that we would likely receive lots of offers for help (We did and we are so thankful). He also said that the help provided would not only be a blessing to us, but accepting the help would be a blessing to those that gave it.

With Christmas approaching and these other thoughts going through my head another that comes to mind is “It’s a Wonderful Life”. It really is in so many ways.

Patrick - 12/17/14

Monday, December 1, 2014

Kristin Beats Her Cancer

I have told Kristin a few times over the past few weeks that cancer cannot win. In the end the cancer will die, and You will be in heaven. Well November 28th is the day that Kristin beat cancer. She is in heaven now. I asked her to find my grandparents and play a game of cards with them. One of my grandpas will need a partner for the game since grandma is still here with us, so I asked her to be his partner. I also asked her to give her mom a hug and make a quilt for us. I am certain that she has already played some cards, shared some laughs, given her mom a hug and they are sewing now. She is at peace now. She is in no more pain. She is free and with God in all his glory. We are so thankful for all your support and prayers. God Bless!

I will love you forever. You have been my best friend, my lover, my honey and my everything.
Patrick (Kristin's husband)

Friday, October 31, 2014

Fight is on

I probably should have labelled my blog, as I don't want to die soon.  Because sooner or later we all have to face the facts that we will die, and we have little control over when or how it happens.  As a friend told me, some of us just graduate earlier that others. 
As for me, I am sadly headed down hill and am in need of some prayers again.  The cancer in my liver has made my liver hard as a rock and very uncomfortable to bend over or lean forward.  I am on oxygen at night and when I exert myself.  I'm slowly loosing control over my life and am having to lean on loved ones for help.  If you have volunteered and I have yet to call on you, be patient, there will be plenty of help needed and I have no doubt that you love us. 
My tumor maker is up yet again and I have chosen to switch doctors to get another opinion, she's much more positive that my previous doctor and I hope she has some more tricks up her sleeve.  But in all honesty, there is little left for the doctors to do, it is now up to God.  Thanks for all your prayers, I'm sorry I can't answer every card, but know they are greatly appreciated. 

Monday, October 20, 2014

Short ER visit

Sorry I've been MIA on facebook and church events.  I was admitted to the hospital on Friday night for a fever of 104, then they were concerned about my cardiac perfusion growing and possibly my liver hematoma growing. Turns out everything is stable for now but my liver hematoma is large and extremely painful- I'm hoping that means that the cancer there is dying and causing alot of inflammation and thereby causing the fevers.  Hared to know.  Thanks for all your calls and concerns.  Right now my biggest need will be getting rides during the day to appointments while I'm on certain drugs I can't drive  I have this week covered already thanks to family.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Bad news, I am sorry

Greetings friends and prayer warriors.  I have bad news and I want to get it out before you hear it second-hand.  The cancer has progressed into my liver and the doctors believe that if it doesn't respond to the new therapy we could be looking at months.  So....... that leaves me planning for the future, leaving Parker with lots of birthday cards, graduation cards, letters, videos, songs and so forth.  I am not scared, I have come to terms with my disease.  But whatever prayers you can muster, would be greatly appreciated.  We want to pray especially for Parker and Patrick.  And obviously we pray that we get more time than just a few months.  Feel free to call me at anytime to chat, I want to reach out to all those who have reached out to me and give them a big hug.  I still have time for lunches, coffee breaks and ice cream runs.  Plus I'm frequently at the hospital, so if you work there, we can always find time to meet up.  I am getting radiation to my knee for some met pain.  But other than that which will soon subside I am pain free and loving life.  So help me celebrate!

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Minor set back

So while we were having the time of our lives at this year's block party, I got tired and dehydrated from some diarrhea that has been plaguing me for weeks.  That night after missing out on alot of the afternoon festivities due to needing to lay down, my blood pressure dropped dangerously low and we ended up once again at the ER.  Turns out I have C. diff, a bacterial infection of the gut that causes diarrhea and dehydration.  I was hospitalized for 2 days and sent home on an antibiotic to treat the infection.  But its not without a fair share of inconveniences, even after the diarrhea stops, I still have massive bloating and fevers.  But they are getting better.  I had great care as always at the UIHC, thanks everyone there.