Footprints

While I was growing up the Footprints” poem was hung in our hallway (see below). I remember it being read to us multiple times. This poem always seemed to mean a lot to me. I have thought about it many times through the years. I actually incorporated it into my proposal when I asked Kristin to marry me. After we found out that Kristin had cancer this poem took on a new meaning to me, and I believe it did to Kristin too. Kristin and I would say to each other when one of us was struggling that God would carry us through. I have thought that and believed it to be true many times. Since Kristin has passed I have thought about the poem and read the version hanging in my bedroom many times. Here are some of the times God may have carried us through:

• Maybe it was when a friend stopped by the chemo suite unannounced to brighten Kristin's day.
• Maybe it was when a meal was brought over at just the right time when her energy was low and she could spend the energy she had playing with her family.
• Maybe it was the church that has always been there for us.
• Maybe it was the card received with the support she needed when she was feeling down.
• Maybe it was when a friend or family member rearranged their schedule to take Kristin to chemo or be with her when she couldn't be home by herself anymore.
• Maybe it was when the person on the other end of the line answered the midnight phone call to watch Parker so we could go to the ER to get Kristin the care she needed.
• Maybe it was when a friend worked on a quilt for her or with her.
• Maybe it was the friends that gave the two of us one last weekend trip together just before her health wouldn't allow for it anymore.
• Maybe it was the smile we saw on Kristin's face after she passed fulfilling her promise to me that she would beg God to give me a message that she was ok.
• Maybe it was the night I was wanting to talk to someone and a classmate I hadn't talked to in more than 16 years chatted with me online about some of her experiences with cancer.
• Maybe it was the invitation for supper, or games, or conversation when I didn't even know that was what I needed.
• Maybe it was a meal over the holidays when that extra time not cooking was needed.
• Maybe it was all the cards, prayers, and gifts of people showing their love.
• Maybe it was the song that came on the radio with a message I needed to hear just then.

I truly believe that God is carrying us through. I am so thankful for His help and all of your help!

One of the things I have read that people go through after a spouse passes is figuring out who they are again as an individual. When I first thought about that I wasn't really sure what to think or who “I” was. Kristin and I were together so much and for a long time. I always believed that it was “us” or “we” never her and I. So I have thought about who “I” am now. I don't know that I have it figured out but some of the things that describe or maybe define who I am are: father, son, brother, friend, engineer, Hawk fan, sports fan, lover of life, planner and believer in God.

I still have my struggles at times, but I believe we are moving forward. I am getting things done around the house. Parker and I seem to have a normal routine in the morning and the evening. We even weathered our first snow storm with just the two of us. We got the driveway and sidewalks cleaned and got to the Education Station and work at our regular times.

We still pray for mommy everyday and send her lots of hugs and kisses. We light candles for her and feel her presence. We think about her often, and we will always remember her. We are finding a new normal though. Thanks for your continued support and your prayers. Until my next post.

Patrick – 01/11/15

PS – I knew that Kristin's blog touched a lot of people. The blog keeps some statistics. The page has received more than 58,000 pageviews (almost 20,000 from iPhone and Android devices) from ten countries around the world.