Update

Thank you to everyone for your prayers and support. We really appreciate it. Thank you for the meals and company. Well we are almost through the holidays. They have been good for the most part. The hardest part has giving out some gifts that Kristin had made (but had not quite finished) and some pictures, slide-shows and songs of hers. I guess they were kind of a reminder of things she was not able to finish, and that the fact that gifts were part of us that made giving them hard. I started going through some of Kristin's things in our room trying to clean and figure out what to do with some of them. That was much harder than I expected.

People ask how I am doing. I guess I have been saying good, ok and fine for the most part. Which is mostly true. Most of the day I am good. The evenings after Parker goes to bed are still the hardest. I still don't think I have gone a day without crying. Well technically I probably did yesterday because it was after midnight before I did.

One thing that the cancer did for us was to slowly transition us towards a new normal. As the cancer progressed and Kristin was able to do less we slowly adapted to getting to the Education Station, working, making meals, doing laundry and everything else. So a lot of the day to day things do not seem that different now than they did for the last few months. Taking care of Parker and the house do not seem too hard. There are definitely times that I miss Kristin so much though.

Some friends from church gave us some helpful books after Kristin's passing. The books say that there is a difference between grieving and mourning. Grieving is what we think and feel on the inside when someone we love dies. Mourning is the outward expression of grief. Apparently I am better at writing my feelings than speaking them. So hopefully blogging can help with my grieving. The books also say that there will come a point when the person mourning will be able to look at pictures or think about the person that has passed with happiness about the life lived rather than sadness for them being gone or missing out on what could have been. I am able to look at pictures sometimes now and smile and feel happy. I am trying to focus on remembering the good times. I also am trying to focus on the fact that Kristin is in Heaven with God, so I should not feel bad for her.

So I think we are healing, adapting and moving toward a new normal. Your continued prayers, support, conversations, company and everything else are appreciated very much. If I don't ask for help please feel free to offer or call or whatever. Happy New Year!