Challenges and yet peace

So as I write this update, my future sort of hangs in the balance, its clear to me that my current therapy is no longer working (new aches and pains, and increasing tumor markers), and painful neuropathy in my hands and feet/ankles.  But I have no idea what my oncologist will decide to try next.  I thought halaven was a gift from God, and for awhile it really was, but then the painful burning sensations, loss of feeling and pins and needles feeling started to rear its ugly head and has left me needing to rest and get off my feet more and more.  I really like my new job, but am learning that I need to pace myself and find out ways to do my job without exhausting my feet throughout the 8 hour day.  I had my blood taken today for a work-up and we will learn on Tuesday what the next course of chemo will be, thankfully I still have options, as God is still keeping an eye on me and my loved ones.  It has been a pleasure to have hair, all 2 cm of it, but I love it short and couldn't ask for an easier hair-do.  If I loose it yet a third time, I will understand.

Poor Parker came down with influenza A, and so I got the pleasure of staying home with him to watch cartoons, play with playdough, do some cleaning and as always push myself overboard on activities.  Now I have to rest with my feet up, dose up on pain killers and wait as my feet feel like they are burning right now. 

My guess is that the doctor will put me on an mTOR inhibitor like affinitor with an anti-hormone therapy backup along with the two antibodies I currently take.  So I'm scared, I've heard and read alot about affinitor causing terrible mouth sores, rashes, itchiness and general chemo issues.  And then I know from experience that the anti-hormone therapies cause joint aches, which means I'll need to be a schedule of ibuprofen 800mg twice a day to just function and then dilaudid or morphine on days I have break through pain.  Maybe he'll pull a fast one on me and find a different combo that won't have as many nasty side effects, pray he does, as I'm not looking forward to sacrificing any ounce of my quality of life.

Here is a picture of my stylish new hair cut.